Back and Better Than Ever

Wow! I can’t believe it’s been over a year since I've posted anything! I’m a horrible blogger! But in my defense, we have had A LOT going on! From moving to a new baby and everything in between, things have been pretty crazy! No excuse though! I’m a slacker and I promise to start doing better!

So, you’re probably wondering what’s been going on to keep me from posting. Or maybe you’re not. Either way, I’m going to get you all up to speed!

This time last year, Justin was getting ready to graduate from Air Force recruiting school at Lackland AFB in Texas while I was back in Tennessee packing up and getting ready to move for what seemed like the millionth time since we've been married. When he finally finished school, we said our “see ya laters” to our family and friends once again and made the nearly 9 hour drive to Hot Springs, Arkansas to start our new lives. It was rough having to pack up and leave again since everyone had gotten use to having us around. And when I say us, I really mean Silas. But I assured everyone that Hot Springs was only a days drive away and was a much easier (and cheaper) trip to make than Japan ever was. When we got there, we lived in a hotel for nearly two weeks before we found a house. After about a month, we finally got into a house and started to settle into our new lives in Arkansas. Justin started at his office recruiting kids from far and wide while Silas and I explored Hot Springs. After a couple of months in Arkansas, we found out that we were pregnant! Surprise! We were so thrilled to have another baby and to make Silas a big brother. He started calling the baby “Baby T.Rex from the moment we explained to him that there was a baby in mommy’s belly!

Fast forward to May 2^nd, 2014, Elijah Bryant McCullough was welcomed into the world, weighing in at 8 pounds and 4 ounces and measuring 20 inches long. I had a quick and easy labor and only pushed 2 ½ times! A breeze compared to the 26 hours of hard labor and two hours of pushing that I went through with Silas! My dad, step mom, mother in law and brother in law were all here to help us welcome our new addition and to help us with Silas while we were in the hospital. It was such an amazing weekend! Elijah is now 3 ½ weeks old and Justin and I are still trying to adjust to being parents of two boys! Being a mother of two is way different (and harder) than being a mother of one! I’m still trying to get the hang of dealing with two kids by myself during the day without completely losing my mind! Besides the lack of sleep at night and showers during the day, I think I've got it under control!

Other than that, I really have no reason for not posting more often other than just procrastination and pure laziness. But blogging is a great outlet for me so I’m really going to keep up with it from now on, or try to at least! Besides it being a means of therapy for me, I've decided to start it back up for my step sister, who’s husband just left for Air Force basic training last week. I forgot what it was like when you’re love leaves for several weeks and you are basically clueless as to what to expect. I've been trying to give her advice and pep talks here and there but I thought, what better way to help her (and every other new military spouse that reads this) than posting info and advice to my blog? After all, it is called “Air Force Wife Life”!

So I promise, from here on out, that I am going to start posting more frequently and about things that are useful and helpful, and sometimes a personal venting session! I should have plenty of quite time during those 3:00 a.m. feedings! Stay tuned for more posts!!  

Say What?!

Have you ever had someone say something to you in all seriousness and wonder what in the world they were thinking when they said it? I've had that happen to me a lot, as I'm sure everyone has. But when you're a military spouse, things that non military people ask or say to you completely throws you off and makes you want to say "Really?! Did you just say that?" If you're reading this and you're a military spouse/girlfriend, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about. If not, just keep reading and you'll soon understand.

As I was trying to think of post ideas, my mind started to drift about stupid things that people have asked me or said to me since Justin has been in the Air Force. As I think back on some of the things, I can't help but shake my head and wonder what on earth were they thinking. There are just some things that you don't say to someone who's husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, is serving. I wrote down a few that stood out to me most over the years and also researched the web to see what other military significant others (I'm going to refer to them as SO throughout the rest of this post)  had to say about the topic. Here are a list of some that I found to be most common and some that I have personally been asked.

-"I know how you feel."
 This is the biggest no no to say to a military SO. Especially one that is currently away from their love due to a deployment, TDY, school, BMT, etc. I've had people tell me numerous times "I know how you feel" then proceed to tell me about the long weekend they had to spend away from their lover. Gag.

-"Do you miss him?"
Really? Is that a trick question. Believe it or not, I actually had more than one person ask me that while Justin was deployed.

-"I don't know how you do it."
This is another very common thing that people say to military SO. And honestly, they probably mean it as a compliment. But after you've been told that a few times, it gets really old. My response, "I love him. That's how I do it."

-"You knew what you were getting yourself into when you married him."
"Yes, I DO know. But YOU don't so please shut up." Believe it or not, people actually say this to your face. Thank the Lord no one has ever said it to me because they would be missing a few teeth.

-"I bet it's hard being a single parent now that he's gone."
This one is my biggest pet peeve EVER. I hate when people say it to me and I hate when other military SO say it about themselves. You are not a single parent. I assure you that your SO would much rather be with you, helping with the kids instead of being where he is at that moment. And think about what the definition of "single" means. If you're married, you're not single. Just saying.

-"Oh, your husband is in the military. Y'all have it made then."
Uh, wrong. I seriously do not know where people get their information. Yes, we have good benefits and a pay check every two weeks. But if you call having your husband in a war zone at months at a time "made", then yes, we have it made. Please, do not say this to us.

-"But he's going to miss everything."
Thanks for the reminder. Do we like that he will miss our anniversary, birthday, kid's birthday, holidays? Um, no. But it's his job and we are aware that "he will miss everything."

-People automatically thinking that Justin flies because he is in the Air Force.
This one just makes me laugh! I had a Marine wife tell me "Well, at least he will be safer since he will be in the air." I looked at my girlfriend (who's husband is also Air Force) and we had to try our hardest not to laugh.

So, now you know things NOT to say to a military spouse. I understand that people are just trying to relate or make conversation or whatnot. The next time you strike up a conversation with a military spouse, remember that there is a fine line between conversation and sounding stupid.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Well, the time finally came. Justin was sworn back into Air Force active duty Thursday, April 18th and started out on the long 18 hour journey to San Antonio, Texas to start recruiter school Sunday morning. Talk about an emotional day. I hadn't really mentally or emotionally prepared myself for the "see ya laters". I mean, I knew they were coming but I guess I figured that if I didn't think about it, it would never come. Just call me Scarlett O'Hara! Any who, Justin and I got up around 8:00 Sunday morning with the intention of getting him out the door and on the road by 9:00 so he could drive for 8 or 10 hours and stop at a hotel before too late in the evening. Justin thought he would be able to leave while Silas was still asleep to avoid a depressing goodbye but when the time came for him to leave, Si wasn't up yet and Justin just couldn't bring himself to leave without one last Silas hug. I kind of saw that one coming. Wifely instinct, I guess. Silas finally woke up around 9:30 and after breakfast and lots of hugs and kisses, the three of us said our "see ya laters". It sucked. Justin and I were both in tears, which was weird because out of all the times we've had to say "see ya later", he's never cried...well, not in front of me at least. But this time was different. This time, he wasn't just leaving me, but his mini me too. Silas didn't seem to care because he didn't really understand what was going on. Anyway, Justin drove for 10ish hours and spent the night in Texarkana, Texas Sunday night. He was back on the road bright and early the next morning and arrived in sunny San Antonio around 1:00 Monday afternoon. Thank God he made it safe and sound! He starts the 7 week long recruiter school early tomorrow morning. And when he graduates in June, it will be off to Hot Springs for 4 fun filled years. Let the adventure begin!!

It's been a long time since we've been apart for a long period of time. And as I said, this is a first for him being away from Silas. When we first got back from Oki, Justin had to go to school in Georgia for the railroad but it was only for 3 weeks and he was home every weekend. Not to mention, Silas was only 11 months old and had no idea what was going on. It's a little, well, a lot different now. We went from Silas being glued to Justin's hip everyday to Justin being 1000 miles away and Si asking "where's Daddy?" every 5 minutes. It's only been 2 days but it's been an ongoing adjustment.

When it was just Justin and I, no Silas, things were so different. When Justin had to deploy, or go TDY, or just work a billion hours a week, it only affected he and I. Then we threw Silas James into the mix. Now, every step we take, every action we make, affects Silas too. Thankfully, Justin has never had to be away from us for a long time until now. And since it's been so long since we've been apart, I'm having to not only readjust myself to being away from Justin, but also adjust Si to being away from his daddy and adjust to being the mom AND the dad for a while. I'm not going to call myself a single parent because that absolutely erks the crap out of me. No joke. Don't get me started. I'll save that rant for another day. The hardest part for me is when Si asks "Where's Daddy?". And so far he has done it every night before bed and every morning when he wakes up. It kills me! Justin and I both just wish he understood what was going on. Justin's biggest fear is that Silas is going to forget him or think that he has abandoned him. I know neither of those things are going to happen thanks to modern technology, but it breaks my heart that Justin feels that way.

I'm sure you're sitting there reading this and thinking that I'm just rambling on and on without getting to a point. And to tell you the truth, I'm venting. Virtually venting. And this probably won't be the first or the last time I virtually vent while Justin is gone so I'm going to just apologize in advance. But the point I'm trying to get at is that I now not only have respect for military wives with children, I absolutely admire every single one of them. Being a mom is a hard enough job. But being the mom AND the dad while your hubby is away to whereever for however long, keeping the house clean, the kids fed, bathed, alive etc, the laundry clean, the bills paid, and your sanity in tact (if you had any to begin with) is something to be proud of and those are the women (military spouses or not) that have my absolute, tee total, crazy respect. I didn't really think that having Silas and being away from Justin would be that much different than before, but boy was I wrong!! I'm trying to remind myself that I'm not the first military spouse/mom to go through this. And when I thought that for the first time, that's when it hit me at how much respect I have every military wife and mother.

So, this pointless, rambling post is dedicated to every mom out there, military spouse or not, that has had to do it all on her own while there hubby is serving and protecting. I give you all props and prayers for the things you do. Thanks for enduring my virtual vent!

Out With The Old. In With The Faith.

I realize that I haven't posted in two weeks. And to be honest, I really don't have an excuse other than just not getting around to it. I promise to do better though. Scouts honor.

 

Since October, we have moved twice. The first time was from Oakdale to Kingston. The second was from Kingston to Kingston...about 5 minutes down the road actually. It's a long story as to why we've moved twice in such a short period of time but we're not going to get into that right now. Since we've been moving and since we're about to move AGAIN, this time to a completely different state, we have been going through our storage unit and weeding out a bunch of crap that we should have gotten rid of a long time ago. We had tons of clothes, household stuff, a few small pieces of furniture, toys...you name it. We decided that we weren't going to take it all to Goodwill (nothing against it or anything) but instead to a church store called the Clothes Closet here in town. They take the money they make from the store and put it back into the church. Donating to a local church just seemed like the right thing to do. Not to mention it was within spitting distance from our house whereas Goodwill was a good 15- 20 minutes away. Any who, Justin and I cleaned out this huge pull behind trailer that was FULL of crap that we had accumulated over the past 5 years and took two truckloads of stuff to the church store. After we unloaded the last load, I got to talking to the guy that ran the store. I had seen him there every time I'd been in there browsing but we had never really talked other than just small talk. As Justin and I were looking around, I got to talking to this guy a little more in depth. We'll call him Bob. So, Bob and I got to talking about the store and he was telling me about all of the things that the store does other than giving the proceeds from the store to the church. Then, he started telling me his testimony. It was such an amazing story that I just can’t keep to myself so that's why I decided to blog about it. I know I'm going to leave some things out but I believe I can remember the high points of his story....well, the parts that stuck with me anyway. It goes a little something like this...

 

Bob had been living in Ashville and running his own business that he had built from the ground up. It was a remodeling company that worked for banks, fixing up and cosmetically repairing foreclosed houses and getting them ready to sale. He was a wealthy man with what seemed to be a seemingly perfect life. Big house. Nice stuff. Beautiful wife. He even had his masters degree in business management. All the things that most people only dream about. But then one day, his life fell apart and he lost it all. His long time friend and business partner took the company's entire client list, emptied the bank account and took off to start his own business, leaving Bob to fend for himself and pick up the pieces. As you can imagine, he lost his business and was broke. Almost immediately after losing his business, he got very sick and was admitted to the hospital for two weeks. When he was discharged, he went home only to find that his house had ironically been foreclosed on and he wasn't even able to get inside to get any of his belongings. Obviously, his things had been foreclosed on as well. In the midst of his life crumbling, his wife decided to leave him. This poor man had nothing. No business. No money. No house. And no wife. Nothing. Things became so bad that poor Bob became homeless. He was living under bridges and staying in homeless shelters here and there when he came across one. Bob's brother lived in Clinton and also didn't have much. He did however, have an old, run down car that he gave to Bob that became his home. He was always looking and asking for spare change so he could buy gas and food. One day, he came through Kingston (where the church store ministry is). And like I said, I can't remember all of the details, but somehow he came to the church store. They gave him something to eat, a clean change of clothes, and a warm place to sleep. In return, Bob volunteered at the church store since it was mostly ran by older church ladies and was on a volunteer only basis. He started attending church with them and they eventually gave him the manager position at the store...the only paid position there was. They helped him get back on his feet, helped him get into a low income apartment just minutes down the road and furnished it with donations from the store, replenished his wardrobe from donations, and helped him become financially stable again. This church and its ministry saved Bob's life.

 

I'm sure you're probably wondering why in the world I decided to post about this man's life and thinking that it's not even that big of a deal. But I haven't told you the best part of his story yet. The entire time he was telling me about the tough road he has been on for the last two years, he kept a smile on his face. He would tell me about something bad that happened, but directly after, he would say "But I knew God was with me". When he started telling me about how he came to be with the church and how they had helped him get back on his feet, he kept saying "God is just so good". So, the entire time I'm standing there listening to this man's amazing testimony, I'm thinking about how amazing his faith in God was during it all. After everything that poor man had been through, he never gave up. He kept his eyes on the Lord and had faith that he would be taken care of and that God would provide for him. And that's exactly what He did. God knew what he was doing when Bob's business went under and he lost everything. Bob's life may have been hard for a while and went in the exact opposite direction that he had planned, but the path that God put him on lead him to right where he was meant to be. All the hard times, all the heartbreak, everything that Bob had been through was all part of God's plan and he had faith in His plan the whole time. His faith in God never faltered and that's what got him through it all. He could have very easily given up. He could have turned to drugs and/or alcohol, or even worse, he could have given up completely and tried to end his life. But he didn't. Instead, he trusted to Lord.

 

The point that I'm trying to make is that if more people in the world had the trust and faith in God that Bob has/had, the world wouldn't be in the state that it is in today. If we would stop trying to fix things ourselves and stop going down our own path and just let God take the reins, maybe things wouldn't be so bad. If we would stop letting the devil interfere in our lives and let God come in instead, I know that the world would be a better place. God gave his son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross to save us from our sins and to keep us from spending eternity in a sinner’s hell. The least we can do in return is trust Him. When things get hard, it's easy to lose faith. It's easier to just give up instead of saying "Okay, God. Things are hard but I know you're in control. Just help me to keep my faith strong and to know that you're in control". Easier said than done but once you do, it's worth it. I have been working on strengthen my faith and becoming closer to God and I feel Him working in my life and heart every single day. Things that I use to constantly fret about and try to handle myself, I hardly give them a thought now. I'm not saying that my life is perfect by any means. I'm just saying that since I've given my heart to God and put my full faith in Him, I feel as if a weight has been lifted and that I can conquer the world with Him on my side. Wouldn't it be nice to always have someone on your side all the time? Someone that will never leave you or steer you in the wrong direction? You can. Just trust Him and know that he loves you enough to die for you. He is the best friend we could ever ask for. All you have to do is trust him. If God is for you, who can be against you? Think about it...

 

Time Flies When You're Having Fun

So, today is a bittersweet day for me. Well, more sweet than bitter. Today is Silas' second birthday! Ah! I can't believe my 10 pound, 22.5 inch baby boy is already two years old. It doesn't seem real. Seriously, where does the time go?! It feels like just yesterday that I saw two pink lines pop up on that pee stick! Not to mention going through such a hard time in the beginning, being pregnant in the Okinawa heat and humidity, and enduring nearly 26 hours of labor. It just doesn't seem real that it's already been that long.

We had his birthday party this past Saturday. I invited all of our family and a lot of friends. But the weather was super cold and yucky so the majority of the people (minus family) ended up not coming. Understandable, I guess. I had been planning his party for a few weeks because A) I wanted everything to be perfect and B) I'm an OCD planning freak. The "theme" of his party was all about Silas...just as it should've been. I didn't do a character theme this year like I did last year because the only real characters he is into at this moment is Toy Story and Cars...and I didn't want to do either of those because I'm SO sick of them both. AND themed party supplies are way too expensive!! So I just did lots of bright colors and pictures of Si. It turned out so cute and not to mention, I got all of the party decorations at the Dollar Tree for under $28! Score!!! The day of the actual party was a bit stressful for this OCD momma. I waited till the last minute to order a cake (so not like me, by the way) because I was trying to compare prices and get the best deal. FYI...CostCo has the best prices on cakes and they are absolutely delish! Any who, I went to Knoxville to get the cake. Came home and got ready while Silas napped. Went to Food City to get chips and dip (per Justin's request) and balloons, then headed to the community center to start setting up. And this all took place before 1:00! (Now do you see why I was a bit stressed?!) Thankfully, my Gee Gee (my grandma) met me there to help me so I didn't loose my entire mind! She actually helped me plan the whole thing. She's the bomb! We set up the food. Hung decorations. Hung Silas pictures all over the wall and were ready to party down. Things seemed to be coming together perfectly. Until I realized that it was almost 2:00 and the photographer that I hired (just a local photographer. Nothing professional) hadn't shown up yet when she was supposed to be there at 1:30. She was at Si's party last year taking pictures so that that was one less thing for me to have to do. It worked out great so I asked her to do it again this year. I just thought she was running a bit late...until 30 minutes into the party and she STILL wasn't there. Anyway, long story short, she didn't show, didn't call or anything and I didn't get the pictures that I wanted. Oh well. Thankfully, my Grandmother, who takes awesome pictures, was there to take a few snapshots for me. Other than that little unprofessional incident that I am still pretty ticked off about, his party went off without a hitch. He got lots of goodies and cute summer clothes and got to have all of his favorite people in the same room. It was so heart warming to see so many people come out to share this special time with us and show how much they love Silas. Seeing him run around laughing and smiling made the stress of planning it all worth it.

Even though today is his actual birthday, the date that's on his birth certificate (March 4th), we kind of celebrated yesterday on the 3rd as well. Why you ask? Well, he was born at 4:45 am on March 4th in Japan, which was actually 2:45 pm on March 3rd in Tennessee. So, he technically has two birthdays! Well, not really, but it gives us a reason to celebrate for another day!

Today, his ACTUAL birthday, Justin and I took him to the Tennessee Aquarium in Chattanooga. We left around his nap time so he slept the whole way, about an hour and a half. So, thankfully when we got there, he was in a great mood! We got there and got our tummies full, then spent two hours admiring the "sish". Silas had a blast! We all did! On our way home, Silas fell asleep again so we had another peaceful car ride home. Now, we're laying around watching Cars and playing with his new monster trucks (such a little boy!)...a perfect end to a perfect day!

I sometimes look at Silas in utter disbelief that he is actually mine. We made that. He's ours. Forever and ever. How blessed am I?! Thinking about the past two years and how our lives have changed so drastically, I just sit back and smile because that sweet little blond hair, blue eyed boy sitting in the floor playing is the reason for all the wonderful change that's happened. It just makes me sad how fast the past two years have flown by. I know this may sound like a huge cliche and every parent may say it, but I honestly do not remember what my life was like before Silas...nor do I want to remember. He is my life. He is my world. He is my happiness and strength. He completes me. I think God every single day for blessing me with this amazing, sweet, handsome, sometimes too smart for his own good little boy. God has given me more than I deserve...and sometimes more than I can handle!! Just kidding!! :) I wouldn't change a thing!

To all of my friends reading this that have just had a baby or are about to have a baby, cherish every single second of being pregnant and their babyhood. Sleepless night and getting crapped and spat on may suck now, but trust me, you will miss it one day. Do not take one single baby snuggle for granted because before too long, they won't sit still long enough for you to snuggle them. Enjoy the time you have with them while they are bitty babies, but also look forward to things to come. Having a tiny baby is great, but when they get to the talking running, playing stage, it gets even better. And SO much more fun!! But like I said, don't take a single baby moment for granted and cherish every moment with them as a tiny baby. Because in the words of Darius Rucker, "It wont be like this for long".

Happy Birthday my sweet boy!

New Kid In Town

I've made a lot of sweet friends on Twitter and Facebook that are brand new military wives and are just getting their feet wet in this crazy life. They are a big part of my inspiration to start this blog. So today's post is dedicated to them...and all of the other new military spouses who may be reading this.

Being a young wife can be a little intimidating. But being a young military wife can be extremely intimidating! As if learning to be a wife wasn't hard enough, becoming a military wife comes with it's own rule book. It's a lot to take in and get use to. I've had a couple of girls ask me if they would get looked down upon or made fun of because they were so young. But once you get around other military wives, you will see that you're not the only 19 or 20 year old newlywed. Justin and I got married when we were 19. He wasn't even out of Tech School when we had to get married. And when I say "had", I mean the Air Force timing made us do it sooner rather than later.

After we got married, I got thrown into the military life head first without anyone telling me how to feel or what to expect. I was a bit nervous at first about getting married and going at this so young, but before we left for Oki, I talked to a good friend of mine that had been in the Air Force for years and years and he told me that being young and having to elope was just a normal to do in the military. It happens everyday. That made me feel a little better so I wasn't as nervous about being so young. Besides that, I got thrown into this lifestyle without any advice and having no clue as to what to expect. I kind of just winged it at first and went with the flow, learning as I went. From what I can recall, I wasn't intimidated by other wives, the commissary, BX, etc. Back then I had a little more confidence than what I do now and I just figured that since this was going to me by life for the next 20 or so years, I'd better get use to it. It did take some time to learn all the rules, regulations, acronyms, ranks, and all of that other fun junk that every new military wife learns. But once you ease your way into things and get into the swing of things, the life that you once saw as intimidating and impossible to learn becomes your new normal.

It's all a constant learning process. Justin's been in for 5 years and I'm still learning and probably will continue to learn until he's out. It's completely normal to feel scared about being "new", whether it's new to a base or if you're new to the military. A way to make things easier is to find other wives that are new and are feeling the same way. Finding friends is a remedy for any military situation that you're going through because they're just like you and are going through the exact same things and feelings. Don't let the things that scare you keep you from branching out and do things. It's the only way to become familiar with things and the way they work. You will find your own ways of getting use to things. You will get the hang of it and once you do, you will see that all the things that you once thought was scary is just an every day thing in your life now.

From Afghanistan, With Love

As you can probably tell from the title, this post is about the dreaded D word. No, not divorce. Deployment. I know no one wants to even think about it, let alone talk about it. I'll tell you our deployment story and try to give some helpful advice that I learned to try and make the D word more tolerable.

Flash back to February 2009. We had been in Okinawa for less than two months. We were finally getting into a routine and getting our life as husband and wife together and looking forward to no more interruptions. Justin was still doing rotationals and was learning the ins and outs of each branch of his job. I wasn't working yet but was keeping myself occupied with making our house a home, making new friends, and getting involved in the base community. Life was good. Later that month, rumors started to circle about a deployment that Justin's "bucket" was supposed to go on. I was trying not to think much of it because Justin was told he wouldn't deploy the first year we were at Kadena. Lies, all lies. Soon after the rumors started, Justin came home looking like he had the weight of the world on him. I knew something was up and I knew it had to do with this stupid deployment. He said that he was more than likely getting deployed but didn't know for sure when and where he would go. But let me back up just a bit...

Justin had a superior in his shop that happened to have the same last name as us, MSgt McCullough-Cruz. From the day she found out that a fellow McCullough was coming to the island and was going to be in the same shop, she looked out for us. I called her Momma McCullough! She always kept me in the loop with things going on around the shop and explained military things to me (since I was absolutely clueless at this point!). From the day all of the deployment rumors started, she told me she would be the first to tell me what was going on, if, when, and where Justin was going, etc. She didn't want to me hear things second hand or get wrong information, so anytime she found something out, she let me know.

Okay, I had to tell you about her before I went on with the rest of my story.You'll see why in a second. So, early March time frame we were still in the dark about a definite answer on the deployment. I was hoping that if we didn't talk about it, it would just go away. It doesn't work that way, unfortunately. While Justin was at work one day, Momma McCullough called me at home while I was in the middle of stress cleaning (I'd been doing that since I first heard the D word). I answered the phone and as soon as I heard her voice, I knew what she was going to say. Justin was going to Afghanistan. Crap. I tried to keep my composure because she may have been a friend to me, but she was still Justin's superior. When Justin got home, he knew that I knew because A) The house was spotless and B) There wasn't a drop of make up left on my face. He just hugged me and apologized. I hated to see him so upset and apologetic over something that was out of his control. I was mad and pouted for the next few days but had to eventually pull myself together because acting like a baby wasn't going to stop him from going. Justin had enough on his plate and seeing me torn up was the last thing he needed. We had two months before he had to go so I put my big girl panties on and got to work on the pre-deployment checklist. Fun stuff, let me tell ya! While Justin worked during the day, I got as much done on his checklist that I could, all while trying to decide whether I was going to stay in Oki or go back to Tennessee while he was gone. Decisions, decisions. With only a few weeks to go before he left, we decided that going home and being with our family would be the best thing for me. But looking back, I wish I would have stayed in Oki while he was gone for a few different reasons. I'll discuss that in a later post. Anyway, the day before Justin was scheduled to leave, I got on a Space A flight to the states (another interesting topic that I will discuss at a later time). Sitting in that terminal waiting to board the plane was torture. I knew that I only had a few minutes with my husband before we had to say our "see ya laters" and be away from each other for 5 months. They finally called final boarding but I didn't want to let go of Justin. I couldn't stand the thought of him going to a war zone and me not being there to take care of him. I hated it. I hated everything. He was trying so hard to keep it together and to be strong for me because Lord knows I was crying enough for the both of us. I walked to the gate and tried so hard not to turn around to see him, but I did. I saw him standing there with tears in his eyes as he looked at me with that little side ways grin that I love. That was the last time I saw him for five long months. When I boarded the huge KC 135, I was more than ready to get out of there and get this time apart started and over with. But we sat on the tarmac for four hours while they tried to fix the GPS systems. Ugh. More torture. When we finally took off, I was so tired from crying that I passed out on the cold, hard floor of this massive, loud plane. I work up long enough to eat the sack lunch that I paid $5 for then I went back to sleep. When I woke, we were about 30 minutes out from landing. I finally made it home two days later (again, Space A is another topic for another day). Being back with my family made things easier and helped pass the time a little quicker. But being around his sweet family reminded me of him and made me miss him even more.

Fast forward five months. This whole deployment bull crap was almost over and I was finally on a plane back to our home in Okinawa. I decided to get there a couple of weeks before him so I could get things ready for when he got back. I still had no idea what day he would be home because he had to go all around the dang world just to get back to Okinawa. I finally received a call from him when he got to Tokyo. We were finally in the same country! He said his flight came in the next morning! *insert happy dance here* Obviously, I was too excited to sleep so I stayed up the majority of the night trying to decide what to wear! It's a girl thing! When I got to the airport, I was as giddy as a school girl and couldn't get the big cheesy grin off of my face! I stood at his gate and waited for what felt like hours, cheesy smile still in place. When I heard the dinging noise and heard the Japanese voice come over the intercom announcing that his finally had touched down, I felt tears coming on. Happy tears of course! Then it happened. I finally saw my Airman walking out of the terminal. THAT was the moment that I absolutely lost it! I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He barely made it out of the terminal when I attacked him! He was back. My happiness. My love. My best friend. My Airman. My husband. I was on my happy cloud and there was nothing in this world that could have knocked me off of it.  It felt so good to have him by my side again and knowing that he was safe. I was so relieved. Life was complete again.

I didn't get into the details of the difficulties that I went though with missing Justin. Everyone faces their own struggles but we all feel the same way...we miss them and feel like a part of us is missing when they are gone. I'm going to try and give some advice to those who are about to face their first deployment. Here are some things that helped me.

-Whether you go back to be with your family while your loved is deployed or you stay at where ever you are stationed, try to keep yourself busy. Go out with friends (the mature way), get involved within the base, get a part time job. Just do anything other than sit around and wallow in your sadness. That gets you nowhere and makes time pass slower.

-Try to send him an email or letter at least everyday. Just to let him know about your day and to tell him you're thinking about him. But try to keep it positive. He doesn't need any more stress than he already has.

-Technology is a beautiful thing. Skype as often as possible if he has the capability. Again, try to keep your conversations positive.

-Send care packages. When I sent Justin packages, I put love letters, cards, pictures, snacks, and just things to let him know I was thinking about him. Sometimes, I even sent extra so he could share with the guys in his shop. Just be sure to find out before hand of the things that you can and cannot send. Don't want to get in trouble with customs or get your man in trouble.

-Write in a journal. Justin and I each had a journal to jot down our thoughts and stuff. When we were reunited, we swapped journals and read what each others thoughts. We really enjoyed it. And it was a good way to get all of your feelings out and for your spouse to know what you were thinking and feeling while you were apart.

-Stay positive. Try not to watch the news. It will just freak you out. Don't think the worst when you haven't heard from him in a few days. He's busy. Don't let your thoughts and worries get the best of you because it will eat you up inside and make you miserable.

-Don't isolate yourself. Find friends that are going through the same things you are and just be each others support.

-Remember that he misses you just as much, if not more than you miss him. He is going through the same feelings and emotions as you are a top of everything else he's facing with being in a war zone.

That's the best advice that I can think of at the moment. When and if you ever have to face a deployment, you will find your own ways to cope and to make it easier. Just remember, you're strong and if you really love and support your man, you will kick that deployments butt and it will end up just being another memory and another thing to be proud of!