Well, the time finally came. Justin was sworn back into Air Force active duty Thursday, April 18th and started out on the long 18 hour journey to San Antonio, Texas to start recruiter school Sunday morning. Talk about an emotional day. I hadn't really mentally or emotionally prepared myself for the "see ya laters". I mean, I knew they were coming but I guess I figured that if I didn't think about it, it would never come. Just call me Scarlett O'Hara! Any who, Justin and I got up around 8:00 Sunday morning with the intention of getting him out the door and on the road by 9:00 so he could drive for 8 or 10 hours and stop at a hotel before too late in the evening. Justin thought he would be able to leave while Silas was still asleep to avoid a depressing goodbye but when the time came for him to leave, Si wasn't up yet and Justin just couldn't bring himself to leave without one last Silas hug. I kind of saw that one coming. Wifely instinct, I guess. Silas finally woke up around 9:30 and after breakfast and lots of hugs and kisses, the three of us said our "see ya laters". It sucked. Justin and I were both in tears, which was weird because out of all the times we've had to say "see ya later", he's never cried...well, not in front of me at least. But this time was different. This time, he wasn't just leaving me, but his mini me too. Silas didn't seem to care because he didn't really understand what was going on. Anyway, Justin drove for 10ish hours and spent the night in Texarkana, Texas Sunday night. He was back on the road bright and early the next morning and arrived in sunny San Antonio around 1:00 Monday afternoon. Thank God he made it safe and sound! He starts the 7 week long recruiter school early tomorrow morning. And when he graduates in June, it will be off to Hot Springs for 4 fun filled years. Let the adventure begin!!
It's been a long time since we've been apart for a long period of time. And as I said, this is a first for him being away from Silas. When we first got back from Oki, Justin had to go to school in Georgia for the railroad but it was only for 3 weeks and he was home every weekend. Not to mention, Silas was only 11 months old and had no idea what was going on. It's a little, well, a lot different now. We went from Silas being glued to Justin's hip everyday to Justin being 1000 miles away and Si asking "where's Daddy?" every 5 minutes. It's only been 2 days but it's been an ongoing adjustment.
When it was just Justin and I, no Silas, things were so different. When Justin had to deploy, or go TDY, or just work a billion hours a week, it only affected he and I. Then we threw Silas James into the mix. Now, every step we take, every action we make, affects Silas too. Thankfully, Justin has never had to be away from us for a long time until now. And since it's been so long since we've been apart, I'm having to not only readjust myself to being away from Justin, but also adjust Si to being away from his daddy and adjust to being the mom AND the dad for a while. I'm not going to call myself a single parent because that absolutely erks the crap out of me. No joke. Don't get me started. I'll save that rant for another day. The hardest part for me is when Si asks "Where's Daddy?". And so far he has done it every night before bed and every morning when he wakes up. It kills me! Justin and I both just wish he understood what was going on. Justin's biggest fear is that Silas is going to forget him or think that he has abandoned him. I know neither of those things are going to happen thanks to modern technology, but it breaks my heart that Justin feels that way.
I'm sure you're sitting there reading this and thinking that I'm just rambling on and on without getting to a point. And to tell you the truth, I'm venting. Virtually venting. And this probably won't be the first or the last time I virtually vent while Justin is gone so I'm going to just apologize in advance. But the point I'm trying to get at is that I now not only have respect for military wives with children, I absolutely admire every single one of them. Being a mom is a hard enough job. But being the mom AND the dad while your hubby is away to whereever for however long, keeping the house clean, the kids fed, bathed, alive etc, the laundry clean, the bills paid, and your sanity in tact (if you had any to begin with) is something to be proud of and those are the women (military spouses or not) that have my absolute, tee total, crazy respect. I didn't really think that having Silas and being away from Justin would be that much different than before, but boy was I wrong!! I'm trying to remind myself that I'm not the first military spouse/mom to go through this. And when I thought that for the first time, that's when it hit me at how much respect I have every military wife and mother.
So, this pointless, rambling post is dedicated to every mom out there, military spouse or not, that has had to do it all on her own while there hubby is serving and protecting. I give you all props and prayers for the things you do. Thanks for enduring my virtual vent!
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