Have you ever had someone say something to you in all seriousness and wonder what in the world they were thinking when they said it? I've had that happen to me a lot, as I'm sure everyone has. But when you're a military spouse, things that non military people ask or say to you completely throws you off and makes you want to say "Really?! Did you just say that?" If you're reading this and you're a military spouse/girlfriend, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about. If not, just keep reading and you'll soon understand.
As I was trying to think of post ideas, my mind started to drift about stupid things that people have asked me or said to me since Justin has been in the Air Force. As I think back on some of the things, I can't help but shake my head and wonder what on earth were they thinking. There are just some things that you don't say to someone who's husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, is serving. I wrote down a few that stood out to me most over the years and also researched the web to see what other military significant others (I'm going to refer to them as SO throughout the rest of this post) had to say about the topic. Here are a list of some that I found to be most common and some that I have personally been asked.
-"I know how you feel."
This is the biggest no no to say to a military SO. Especially one that is currently away from their love due to a deployment, TDY, school, BMT, etc. I've had people tell me numerous times "I know how you feel" then proceed to tell me about the long weekend they had to spend away from their lover. Gag.
-"Do you miss him?"
Really? Is that a trick question. Believe it or not, I actually had more than one person ask me that while Justin was deployed.
-"I don't know how you do it."
This is another very common thing that people say to military SO. And honestly, they probably mean it as a compliment. But after you've been told that a few times, it gets really old. My response, "I love him. That's how I do it."
-"You knew what you were getting yourself into when you married him."
"Yes, I DO know. But YOU don't so please shut up." Believe it or not, people actually say this to your face. Thank the Lord no one has ever said it to me because they would be missing a few teeth.
-"I bet it's hard being a single parent now that he's gone."
This one is my biggest pet peeve EVER. I hate when people say it to me and I hate when other military SO say it about themselves. You are not a single parent. I assure you that your SO would much rather be with you, helping with the kids instead of being where he is at that moment. And think about what the definition of "single" means. If you're married, you're not single. Just saying.
-"Oh, your husband is in the military. Y'all have it made then."
Uh, wrong. I seriously do not know where people get their information. Yes, we have good benefits and a pay check every two weeks. But if you call having your husband in a war zone at months at a time "made", then yes, we have it made. Please, do not say this to us.
-"But he's going to miss everything."
Thanks for the reminder. Do we like that he will miss our anniversary, birthday, kid's birthday, holidays? Um, no. But it's his job and we are aware that "he will miss everything."
-People automatically thinking that Justin flies because he is in the Air Force.
This one just makes me laugh! I had a Marine wife tell me "Well, at least he will be safer since he will be in the air." I looked at my girlfriend (who's husband is also Air Force) and we had to try our hardest not to laugh.
So, now you know things NOT to say to a military spouse. I understand that people are just trying to relate or make conversation or whatnot. The next time you strike up a conversation with a military spouse, remember that there is a fine line between conversation and sounding stupid.
